Real Life Good Luck Chuck

When I was 15 turning 16, I was in a long (almost a whole year! Hey- that was long for me in high school) serious relationship with a boy named Jon. He had a car and was super sweet. We used to stay out late just driving around listening to music and talking.

One thing about me is I hate driving by dead animals. I get really upset. One time I made my mom stop in our neighborhood when I saw a rabbit hit by a car on the side of the road. We sat there for an hour waiting for an animal rescue to come see if they could do anything for the bunny. Unfortunately it died right there on the side of the road and I was devastated.

Jon had heard the story, probably more than once. One night when we were driving I pointed out what I thought was a dead dog and started getting sad. When we passed by he looked closely in the rearview mirror and said "nah...that was just some trash. Don't worry".

A week or so later I pointed out another dead animal. It was dark, so I wasn't sure what it was but before I could get sad he assured me it was just a brown bag.

The same thing happened with the next animal I 'thought' I saw. I started thinking that maybe my trauma had me seeing dead animals that weren't really there.

Until one night I saw what was very obviously a dead buck on the side of the road. Huge antlers and all. I cried out pointing it out to Jon as we drove by. He says "Nah....just trash again".
He'd been lying to me the whole time! I thought it was the sweetest thing ever.

Facebook tells me Jon got married last week. I've had 6 other ex boyfriends get married; but this one has bothered me the most so far. I dunno, I guess I just always had this thought hidden away in the back somewhere that if I was old and lonely he'd still be there. Single and waiting.

SO far in 2010...

I have paid $3000 to an apartment complex I haven't lived in since October. Eaten 5 cans of tuna on lettuce. Made it to work on time 0 times. Slept in my contacts overnight only twice. Witnessed a snowboarding accident that resulted in death. Threw the Christmas tree out but haven't vacuumed the fallen needles.

My laundry is piled higher than my dresser. I wish I hadn't left it piling up for so long. I wish I had started the New Year off with an empty laundry basket.

More to say

I often find myself logging into my old blogger account with a million things I need to get out of my head. I just never really fell in love with this new blog. Change just feels hard for me.

I had a rough year. I moved in with a friend who turned out to be a heroin addict. I moved again.. into (my not so new anymore) boyfriends condo. I had to give up my bunny. I found him a great home with a family with kids that will love him but I still feel like a failure. I still have Nahla. She has matured into an amazing dog. It was a puppy I wanted all along and I never should have tried to replace that need with a bunny.

I'm trying to get back to this. It helps that Santa brought me a new HP mini.

Happy Holidays!

Sometimes I wish...

I smelled like high ceilings, mustiness and retro fashion.

that my boyfriend was younger

that I was younger.

I feel so rushed. It scares me that I may never in my life live alone.

Glove

I found the match to the glove you set aside for me when we moved out. You know, the one that I brushed off and mocked you for saving. I asked you what I was going to do with one glove. I tried to make you feel stupid for going out of your way to return it to me. I didn't want any favors from you. I was sick of you trying to make it up to me. There is nothing you could do or say to change anything that happened.

It's been almost a month since we've spoken. I see you've given up. This would have been our third New Years together. I stopped checking up on you via facebook. Your "This is my year..." and "I have the greatest friends" updates just added to the hate I still feel for you. This is not your year, this is my year. You had your years and you wasted them.

I'm trying to let my bad habits die, but it's hard. Doubts are creeping in every crack of my relationship. But he's understanding and is so quick to let things go. I wish some of that easy going-ness would rub off on me.


I hate that I miss you.

Nahla Love

How does that song go? "Every step you take, every move you make...." something something?

Well anyway, that's what living with Nahla is like. Every time I turn around, she's right there behind me. Every step I take I have to be careful she isn't right underneath my foot. When I go to sleep she follows me to the door. When I open the door in the morning, she's sitting right there. Waiting for me. It's adorable but very dangerous. I'm afraid I'm going to break one of her awkwardly long puppy legs by accidentally stepping on them. When I sit on the couch I have to make sure she didn't weasel her way through my legs and jump into the very spot my bum is about to hit.

We are working on learning 'personal space'. My Bubble, your bubble. But I don't think she really understands. That might be because she doesn't speak English.

Birth Control Woes

Since I'm pretty sure that 99.99999 percent of the people that read my blog are female I have no problem talking about this. For the .0000001 that are male, I'm sorry if this gets a little uncomfortable, but it's always good to know about these things to help you relate to any females in your life.

My birth control made me crazy. Not Britney shaving her head crazy, more like Daisy De La Hoya weepy crazy. I started on TriNessa (a generic form of Ortho) about 5 months ago. All seemed fine and dandy for the first month or two. Then the breakouts started happening.

Some people may hate me for this... but I have never had any problems with acne. Ever. One of the only things I am very grateful for during my teenage years. I may have never grown any boobs, but at least I never had a zit either. But now all of a sudden I had one. Then two. Now it's just gotten crazy. Like a party on my chin. One showed up and invited all his little buddies and I'm going through foundation and other types of cover up faster than I'm going through cream cheese. And I love cream cheese.

On top of all this drama with my skin I've been crying at everything. I cry at commercials, fuzzy animal videos, when I can't find my shoe or when Dallas and his mom got eliminated from The Amazing Race. I cried when the live feed cam puppies started leaving to go to their new homes.

I started dating my new guy right in the middle of all this. I try telling him all the time that I don't usually act like this, I don't always cry during NCIS, but I guess it doesn't really matter since he's still with me anyway. I switch to another prescription this week and am looking forward to not having to wake up and run to the bathroom to put spackle on my chin before my sweetie wakes up.

I just wish I had figured out what the problem was earlier. It's hard to be the tough macho girl that I usually am when I'm crying over a Folgers commercial.